Drinking. One of my favorite National Pastimes. It’s as American as Blondes, Baseball, small block V8’s and Apple Pie. It brings people together and pulls them apart. It leads them to clubs, lounges, house parties, hotel bars and dives. Anyplace where this beautiful libation is offered, hats and cats are gettin’ loaded.
For thousands of years it has been produced, bought, consumed, sold, used to pick up girls and heaved back up by people of all classes, races and creeds. We drink to be social, to relax after work, during work, to relieve stress and some amateurs drink to fit into a crowd. If you’re really hooked on the juice, those 8am jaunts to the “Blarney Stone” and other nefarious “Old Man” bars peppered throughout the boroughs are your bread and butter. The key is to learn to drink professionally or lay off the sauce. Nobody likes a slob, whether you’re a girl or a guy. I’ve seen birds too, drinking way too much, doing some dudes blow in the bathroom and acting like hookers. You know who you are. No class.
Everyone has a bender once in a while. A bad night out on the town. I’ve done it, my friends have done it and we see it all the time. If you’re boozin’ Irish whiskey and Buds hard all night with a bad attitude, things might get a little weird. It comes with the territory. When drinking and acting like an ass becomes a recurring theme in your life, you should probably take up scrap booking and move home. I’m sure I wouldn’t mind having you around to refresh your mom and I’s daiquiris pool side.
When you’re drinking steadily and not overdoing it, everything is gravy and good vibes are gonna come your way. Pacing yourself is the key to getting drunk gracefully. How will you achieve at life if you’re blacked out drunk every night? One of the many things that I picked up from my father, Tony, was he always said, “Drink in moderation. If you drink a beer and a water and a beer and a water, you’ll be just as drunk but you won’t be sloppy or hungover the next day.” Now, I’ve never actually seen him utilize this Man manuever but… He also said, “Do as I say and not as I do,” a lot too. So theres that to think about. Over the years I’ve come to understand what the man meant by that. You can’t run around double fisting Johnny Black or you’re gonna act like an ass and lose your cool. The people around you might laugh and egg you on but in the end they aren’t your friends and you’re really just the butt of the joke.
The one and only Tony and Kim Newman
As Gentlemen we have to represent the species as a whole in a positive light. Real women aren’t into drunk jag-off’s. They want substance, character, class and a man who knows how to handle himself even if he’s had a few cocktails. We all make mistakes, myself included, but in the end I hope we all want to be better people, grow together and have richer lives everyday. So relax, baby. Keep your shirt on, enjoy yourself and have a few cocktails…
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